Here I am, Friday evening, the end of a weird week. Last Tuesday I got a phone call at about 5PM, one of my best friends had passed that morning…
I still don’t really know how I feel at the moment, my emotions are all over the place. She was 45 years old, had good things coming her way and was happy. Her heart just stopped beating…I remember I flipped and cried and all sorts of feelings came over me. Shock, disbelief, anger, a feeling of being in a very bad movie all of the sudden. I don’t know. I don’t even know what’s normal anymore, I just feel numb and out of it.
I still can’t believe she is gone, I was going over there this weekend and now all I can do is paying her my last respects this Tuesday when she will be cremated.
It’s unfair, just when you seem to be climbing out of a pit hole, you are thrown back in and you can start climbing out all over again. And the worse part is, the second person in my life that always helped me climbing out is now gone too…
The only thing that I can think of that’s keeping me sane right now is what she told me shortly after my father’s death: “he is still there, even though you can’t see him, if you have questions just ask him, the answer will come to you”
So, if you are out there, please tell me how to do this, cause I really don’t know. Loosing my father was tough, loosing ones best friend at my age…there are no words to describe how that feels. Puts you back on your own two feet, that’s for sure…
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